Comments for Sheila Freeman Consulting Workplace Bullying mediation and resources http://www.sheilafreemanconsulting.biz Workplace Bullying mediation and resources Wed, 28 Sep 2011 00:46:05 +1000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.2 Comment on Media Headlines to Feb 2011 by Aaron D. Hall, Minnesota Attorney http://www.sheilafreemanconsulting.biz/860/bullying-news/media-headlines-feb-2011#comment-102 Aaron D. Hall, Minnesota Attorney Wed, 28 Sep 2011 00:46:05 +0000 http://www.sheilafreemanconsulting.biz/?p=860#comment-102 As a licensed lawyer practicing out of Minneapolis, MN, your site is a benefit to my practice. I appreciate your contribution. Aaron Hall Twin Cities Law Firm, LLC 2812 Anthony Lane S, Suite 200 Minneapolis, MN 55418-3234 http://www.AaronHall.com http://MinnesotaAttorney.com/ As a licensed lawyer practicing out of Minneapolis, MN, your site is a benefit to my practice. I appreciate your contribution.

Aaron Hall
Twin Cities Law Firm, LLC
2812 Anthony Lane S, Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55418-3234
http://www.AaronHall.com
http://MinnesotaAttorney.com/

]]> Comment on Bullying and the Law – a Case Study by Richard Matthews http://www.sheilafreemanconsulting.biz/856/case-studies/bullying-and-the-law-a-case-study#comment-38 Richard Matthews Tue, 12 Apr 2011 14:58:04 +0000 http://www.sheilafreemanconsulting.biz/?p=856#comment-38 Workplace bullying happens in every single country and in a frequent basis, however this does not make it right or acceptable. So, how should we go about it? There are tools and techniques available online and through books on how to deal with bullies at work. One common mistake, which I have made as well in the past, is to fight fire with fire. This technique is like using petrol to stop a fire. Bullies are not reasonable people and do not play fair. If we go to war with them, they will use that to their advantage. They are masters at dirty tricks to make the other come out as the bad guy. Bullies will lie and will manipulate information about their targets in a way that took them years to perfect. Going for war with them is pointless and will cause us more harm than anything else. Last time when I was bullied I used a different technique and refrained from any retaliation. I collected evidence in a daily log and exposed the bully to our managers. The direct bullying stopped after a meeting was organised with the bully and the managers, but behind the scenes he was probably still doing some bullying activities (e.g. bad mouthing, spreading rumours, making me look bad in general, etc). People knew he had been told off by managers and they could see by my actions that I was an honest and hard worker, so there was not a lot to worry about. However, the company felt short of saying that bullying is not acceptable to the bully, which will allow the bully to do some work behind the scenes and to keep on bullying as well other people. My temp contract came to an end with that company purely because the level of workload dropped. My relationship with the bully while I was working after that meeting was fine as I never attacked him and only exposed the bullying behaviour, which I said it had to stop. What I can say is that, by not retaliating I did not suffer further emotional damage. I am still happy and positive. Many years ago, I decided to retaliate when I was bullied by a manager. It took me a long time to recover from that. Now, when I look back, I see that trying to stop the bullying behaviour through the proper channels is better than attacking the bully. As someone said, we should go after the bullying behaviour, not the bully. When we do bad to others, even when we feel we are right to do it, we also feel bad inside afterwards. We do not need that extra stress in our lives. The alternative to a counter-attack is not being passive, as that is also not helpful and the bullying will increase. It is being assertive, without being aggressive towards the bully. Being assertive is putting boundaries to others and at the same time doing it in a way that is respectful, but firm. An assertive person is firm, but also takes into consideration the other person's feelings. It might seem a strange idea not to attack the bully, but we do not attack the bully because that makes us go down to their level and we will also feel bad afterwards. Anyway, as people say, two wrongs do not make one right. My advice to anyone who is being bullied is to try to find tools and techniques on how to deal effectively with bullies at work and avoid negative counter-actions, such as retaliation. Also, I would read as much as possible about workplace bullying as that will help to find ideas on how to deal with that problem. If you have now dealt with it and there is plenty of damage left from what happened, it is time to turn the page and find positive ways to take your life forward. There is no point in beating yourself up about what happened. Better days will come and the sooner positive actions are taken, the sooner the positive effects in your life will be felt. Workplace bullying happens in every single country and in a frequent basis, however this does not make it right or acceptable. So, how should we go about it? There are tools and techniques available online and through books on how to deal with bullies at work.

One common mistake, which I have made as well in the past, is to fight fire with fire. This technique is like using petrol to stop a fire. Bullies are not reasonable people and do not play fair. If we go to war with them, they will use that to their advantage. They are masters at dirty tricks to make the other come out as the bad guy. Bullies will lie and will manipulate information about their targets in a way that took them years to perfect. Going for war with them is pointless and will cause us more harm than anything else.

Last time when I was bullied I used a different technique and refrained from any retaliation. I collected evidence in a daily log and exposed the bully to our managers. The direct bullying stopped after a meeting was organised with the bully and the managers, but behind the scenes he was probably still doing some bullying activities (e.g. bad mouthing, spreading rumours, making me look bad in general, etc). People knew he had been told off by managers and they could see by my actions that I was an honest and hard worker, so there was not a lot to worry about. However, the company felt short of saying that bullying is not acceptable to the bully, which will allow the bully to do some work behind the scenes and to keep on bullying as well other people.

My temp contract came to an end with that company purely because the level of workload dropped. My relationship with the bully while I was working after that meeting was fine as I never attacked him and only exposed the bullying behaviour, which I said it had to stop.

What I can say is that, by not retaliating I did not suffer further emotional damage. I am still happy and positive. Many years ago, I decided to retaliate when I was bullied by a manager. It took me a long time to recover from that. Now, when I look back, I see that trying to stop the bullying behaviour through the proper channels is better than attacking the bully. As someone said, we should go after the bullying behaviour, not the bully.

When we do bad to others, even when we feel we are right to do it, we also feel bad inside afterwards. We do not need that extra stress in our lives. The alternative to a counter-attack is not being passive, as that is also not helpful and the bullying will increase. It is being assertive, without being aggressive towards the bully. Being assertive is putting boundaries to others and at the same time doing it in a way that is respectful, but firm. An assertive person is firm, but also takes into consideration the other person’s feelings. It might seem a strange idea not to attack the bully, but we do not attack the bully because that makes us go down to their level and we will also feel bad afterwards. Anyway, as people say, two wrongs do not make one right.

My advice to anyone who is being bullied is to try to find tools and techniques on how to deal effectively with bullies at work and avoid negative counter-actions, such as retaliation. Also, I would read as much as possible about workplace bullying as that will help to find ideas on how to deal with that problem.

If you have now dealt with it and there is plenty of damage left from what happened, it is time to turn the page and find positive ways to take your life forward. There is no point in beating yourself up about what happened. Better days will come and the sooner positive actions are taken, the sooner the positive effects in your life will be felt.

]]>